Today I am waiting. I would like to say I am doing so patiently, but that would not be truth. I am struggling. I am aching, knowing what will ease my restlessness. Though somehow, I cannot seem to bring myself into the right place.
I am aching to cry out, to reach out for help. To ask for everything I think I need and deserve. And the answer I get is wait. Continue obedience. Find me in that quiet place, grab hold of me with both hands, so that the wind will not blow you away in the storm. I will remain, I will not falter, I am in control.
Where is the faith that will help me step out of the boat into the waves? Why do I feel like it is unfair that I must step out in faith into a non-tangible storm? Why can I not have the boat and the waves and the storm and be able to look out onto the troubled waters and ask Jesus to call to me? Ironically, I am deathly afraid of water, or rather being on water, of not having solid ground to cling to. And yet the mortal in me longs for a true life fearing situation to step out in faith, rather than to ask God to work in me each and every moment of every day. To put on his armour of protection.
What has become of our world that our storms are not always those of true life threats? Now we are afraid of our credit going bad, not having a nice enough car, or any other number of things. We have allowed these things to be more important than where we will spend eternity after this very short stay on this planet.
As I fight through this agitation, I welcome God to come through me, to fill me with His Spirit and purify me, to grow me, to let me learn one more seemingly minuscule facet of Him.
"Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy." (Habakkuk 3:2 NKJV)
